This year I have been tested in my faith, in a way that I really still find difficult to understand. This year, I have almost doubted, and struggled with where I fit in; and if my faith is strong enough. This year, I have waivered, and slowed down, and almost quit. Certainly wanting to quit. But not knowing what, having full knowledge of who God is. I don’t know if I am alone in this. My guess is that maybe you have had these struggles to; and that I am in good company. I have questioned what I know, and I don’t know what I don’t know. And for that reason, I kind’a wanted out. It’s so funny…when things are going great, and we are Happy in the Lord, we just take it for granted that the Lord loves us, and wants His best for us, and we receive it well. But in those times, when he is testing us, and things are really very difficult we are forced to wonder, “If He Love Me, then Why…”. And what I have come to find out by many experiences, personal and otherwise, is that there is not always an answer. At least not one we are willing to accept.
So I have come to this conclusion: In those times when I have struggled with the trial of my faith, I recall all the times that he has delivered me before; those times when I didn’t think I would make it. Those times when I didn’t know what to think; what to do; where to go, or who to call; and it was in those times that I found myself at the mercy of His feet, and begged Him to “Help Me”! Needless to say, it was in those times that I found myself getting up, and getting on – even when I really had no desire to do so.
Indeed, He tries us because He loves us, and more, and more I am convinced that His tests are to prove Himself to us – as if what He has already done is not enough. I am sorry that I have failed the tests so many times and I am sorry that I can’t say I will pass the next one. But I am confident that no matter what the test, he is always available, and I can throw myself at the Mercy of His Feet. And when I find myself getting up, I will know that He has done the lifting, not me.
Submitted Deaconess Irene Gardon